not my mom...my mother

i cant believe i trusted u again...but no more. you say you love me, you say you care but those are just words. words from you. A liar. A fibber. A perjurer. i always come last on your agenda. you never loved me. you would rather sniff that line than do anything with me. when i was little you would always tell me you would come and pick me up, and EVERYTIME i believed you. i guess i was a dumb little kid because everybody told me that you would lie. you never gave me presents for my birthday or christmas but the thing that hurt the worst was you werent there at all. i hated you! i never wanted to call you mom and why should i have? you were never a mom to me. then for the first time i started trusting you again. but you FUCKED that up. dont tell me your going to visit me before you move to L.A. and then flake on me to go do a line with your boyfriend. i will never trust you ever again. you fucked my life up but theres one thing i will thank you for. for giving me to my dad, my real dad, even though he is not my father. he man-ed up and raised me, knowing i wasnt his. And all of this is why you will only be a mother to me...

why?

why do people lie? why do people cry? why do people die? why cant we share? why can't there always be good days? why cant i write with both my left and write hands? why are we here? why are you there? why is anybody anywhere? why do we fight? why do people flake? why are people fake? why do people take? why am i rhyming when this is not a poem? WHY DO WE ASK "WHY?"

work

I really hate waking up early and going to bed late. It fucking sucks! But i got to do what i got to do. I wake up early, well because I'm 17 and I go to high school. Then right after school I go home for maybe 5-10 minutes. Then its off to work for me. I work at Taco Bell on Northgate. I work endless hours, well it seems that way. I have work experience, which is a class, and it allows me to work up to 30 hours a week rather than 20 like normal students with jobs. It seems like I don't have time for anyone or anything. And sometimes I get hella fucking fustrated, especially having homework. I don't want to do homework after I have been busy for countless hours. I'm so exhausted all of the time, and I love to sleep in. The thing that really sucks is that i open at Taco Bell on Sundays so that means i have to be at work at 8 in the mourning. I hate it so fucking much. It means that I have to wake up early 6 days a week instead of 5. Some days its so overwhelming that I can't concentrate in class. And when I get overwhelmed I start to panic and then everything starts to annoy me.